Already one of the craziest days of the year no matter where you go, Pittsburgh only makes it more crazy. My day started at 7:30am, the time at which I realized I probably shouldn't have also gone out Friday night. My buddy, M, picks me up at 9 but needs to run back to his house for something. We buy a case of Guinness, throw it in the car, and we're finally off to downtown.
We park in Station Square, knowing we'll be back, and trek across the bridge to downtown (this is Pittsburgh, everything is across a bridge). Apparently, the city has one of the biggest St. Patrick's Day parades in the country. We only catch a glimpse as we're jumping the parade route. We are headed for Market Square, right in the middle of downtown. It's completely fenced off and packed like a nightclub despite it being so cold. Even Starbucks had to close (before I could get my mocha). And, of course, M, drinking his bottle of Guinness in the open runs into a cop who not only throws the bottle out but empties it in front of him as some kind of punishment. I definitely feel safer knowing that beer is safely on the ground. The world is safe for democracy once again.
We head into some tavern in the square to warm up and use the rest room. I get a text from a friend saying her and her friend are in Market Square. We meet up and hang out before heading out to try and meet our friends drinking South Side. The bridge, at this point, had become a sheet of packed snow and ice. After sliding across it, we decide we're hungry; so I call my friend to come join us at Buca Di Beppo's (Italian, I know... where's an Irish Pub when you need one).
It's 2pm before we finish. The Blarney Bash is full swing in Station Square. A band is playing on stage. Houlihan's and Buckhead Saloon are serving beer in the street. We make our way through the crowd to the car. Off to South Side.
Jack's is fairly full, but our friends have been bored there with all the old people. We finish off the Guinness that we snuck in and decide to bounce to The Town Tavern.
We're outside just in time to watch a guy get arrested while he screams, "You're in so much trouble," at the cops and his girlfriend keeps pleading, "He would never do that." I don't know what he did but who's not going to watch that. A random girl and her friend come up to me.
- Her: "Want to see my tatoo?"
- ME:
"Is she hitting on me?" - Her friend: "No, she's doing this with everyone."
At which point, the girl spins around and pulls down her jeans to reveal a shamrock and "Luck of the Irish" tattooed on her ass. "Did you just get that today?" I ask. She said she had it for a year. Thankfully, my friend, C, called me across the street at this point. Her ass was not attractive.
We head for The Town Tavern. I spot two girls coming towards us who ARE attractive; so I tell my guys loud enough for the girls to hear, "I'm going to go with these two.... where we headed, guys?" as I spin around in front of them... The Smiling Moose. We stop by a Hot Topic-esque store along the way so that the one girl, N, can pick up some Wicked-Witch-of-the-East stalkings. Then we're off to meet up with their friends.
We all hung out for about a minute before my two new friend want to go get food and the other three want to bounce to Jack's. We head to Pizza Vesuvio, which has got great pizza (go sometime), eat, and make fun of people walking by, one of whom was a guy in drag obviously as some kind of prank... but he could walk pretty damn well in platform shoes.
We head off to Jack's but stop at another store along the way for random stuff. M finally catches back up with me only to tell me that everyone decided to head home and sleep before coming back out again, and he's ready to do the same. I tell him to take off. The girls say they can take care of me (and that's the last he ever saw me... haha).
We finally get to Jack's, hang out, and bounce again after 20 minutes; this time to Diesel. The other two girls decide they're hungry on the way. So they stop at Pizza Vesuvio (I told you, it's good). Diesel turned out to be kind of empty. The girls easily made friends with a new guy who's... good at making new friends. I'm better. He doesn't stick around for too long (he tried to be too cool). The other two girls show up eventually. We hang out more until the live music starts to get going.
We part ways. I look at my phone, and it's 8:30. I text everyone saying I'm headed up to Station Square. I get up there, and the Starbucks is open. I finally get my mocha and minute before a friend, H, calls to say he's on his way. We cross the street to Buckheads. This is one of my favorite bars in Pittsburgh... except when they have live music. It's usually a terrible band with terrible cover songs, and they turn their music up loud enough to prevent me from leaning over to my buddy to criticize it. Fortunately, the band tonight plays sparingly. And this is about the time I witness a second arrest for the evening. Two girls go at it, their guys get in, and the guy swings at the cop trying to pull them apart. Dumbass. I missed the tasering, though.
H is decked out in a green boa they were selling at Market Square and sunglasses. Normally, someone comes up to comment on this kind of outfit. The girls who come this time, though, actually steal it... and I'm thinking, "when did we get back to second grade?" Turns out the chick who stole the sunglasses is getting married too. I feel sorry for that guy. H gets the sunglasses back, though.
Our other buddies show up, we hang out, and go through our usual banter with the bartenders, waitresses, and shooter girls we know, along with all the people we don't. At this point, though, the day starts taking it's toll on me.
Then my sister texts. She's on her way with her friends. They arrive around midnight. I'm dead to the world except that my sister is toting a new interest of hers. Her friend, L, assures me that he meets L's high standards of approval. Mine are higher... it's my sister. Still, in the 30 seconds I interact with the guy, the only red flag is his clothes. So I lower to DefCon 3.
2am rolls around and somehow my eyes are still open. Hug the sis and head home. The bed was never softer. Text from my friend: "Hope you had a good night."
