Pittsburgh has three bookstores within a convenient distance of my apartment. Borders happens to be the closest within walking distance, which allows me to indulge a passing whim and engage a certain spontaneity. Squirrel Hill and the Waterfront both have a Barnes & Noble, superior only in as much as they let me simultaneously satisfy my Starbucks addiction. On the rare days when I get a moment, I go, grab a book and a cup of coffee, and read for an hour or two.
You might be wondering, what kind of books does he read ...women's self help, of course. Ha. Who isn't intrigued by titles like Why Men Love BITCHES, Why Men Don't Have a Clue and Women Always Need More Shoes, and Let's Face It, Men Are $$(%&$: What Women Can Do About It. Clearly, these authors have scoured the depths of the universe, the psyche, and the soul to find the end all, be all human truth and condense it into a 200 page, easy to read, step-by-step guide ... that yet almost always requires a sequel publication. And, hey, if you see a guy lounging in a bookstore reading Why Men Marry BITCHES with a smirk on his face, aren't you going to wonder what he's thinking.
The latest, which I finally got around to picking up, is He's Just Not That Into You. Where I was expecting it to contain the same amount of misguided bullshit as every other book, this one actually surprised me... to an extent. The general message, like any other trashy self-help book, warns of lying, manipulative, or abusive guys but, more than that, advises women not to waste their time and energy pursuing a guy who doesn't display a certain amount of interest in her, which I would agree with in principle. Most guys aren't worth the time, and by further demanding nothing less than what a girl thinks she deserves helps to develop self-control, self-respect, self-assurance, confidence, emotional maturity, stability, and a certain selectivity with guys is EXTREMELY sexy. There have been a rare handful of girls with this kind of personality who've come into my life, all of whom are or were friends I consider myself privileged to know.
The issue I take with the book is the amount of attention they expect the guy to give. The assumption is that women are perfect, and guys would be stupid not to drop everything else in their life to pursue a woman to the end of the earth. If the guy isn't giving the girl every indication that he's completely interested (and what guy wouldn't for a perfect girl), he's just not that into her and she shouldn't waste her time.
If most guys are so badly flawed, so much so that women need to enforce rigid standards of behavior, it's only fair to consider that women are flawed too. Most aren't worth OUR time. But for some reason guys shouldn't execute some sort of criteria of their own? That's unrealistic.
My point is that my trust, my time, and my care must be earned, experience has shown an almost certainty that the next girl isn't worth all that, and even if a great girl does come along, I'm not going to completely forget about the rest of my life just for her. I'm a busy guy. I have goals, and I plan to see them through. That's what it fucking means to be a MAN. Until I'm certain that the girl is worth it (and it takes a long time to determine that), my effort and energy will remain directed towards my own situation. I'd go crazy trying to allocate my time and effort to every girl I ever meet.
So the book is right in that women should exercise discrimination, but, at the same time, they'd do better accept that the guy is doing the same. So if "he's just not that into you," meaning he's not calling all the time, buying you flowers, and generally making sure you feel no tension about him, that doesn't mean he's not thinking there is potential in the relationship.
