Hot Nurse Happy Hour

Peter's Pub in Oakland advertised a Hot Nurse Happy Hour this past weekend with the Heineken girls promoting some new Heineken thing (I'm not getting paid to advertise for them... so I won't do it). Clearly, this caught my attention, and it seemed like the perfect beginning to my friend, J's, last night in Pittsburgh. So I peeled some friends from my department off of their compute screens and took our asses out for the night... early. If you're going to promote a Hot Nurse event, though, the staff has to play the part, or, at least the Heineken girls should have. We were told that the typical nurse's shift ended at after the happy hour, preventing actual nurses from attending. I wasn't expecting a medical degree from any of the girls there... but it would have been a bonus...

Regardless, I claimed us a table, we started ordering drinks and food, and I noticed a Heineken girl hovering within five feet of our table. When she noticed that the waitress brought us all Heinekens, she came over and passed out souvenirs that no one ever really wants or uses, but they sit in my apartment because they seem too good or possibly useful to become space in a landfill. So I refused to which she replied that she'd be back with t-shirts.

I questioned her on the absence of anyone dressed as a nurse. She told me that she personally handed out flyers at the hospital trying to get people to come. I said that she failed. In doing so, I was attempting to demonstrate that I'm not going to kiss her ass like every other guy in the bar, but I think it'd have been better if I could do that and make her laugh at the same time. In either case, she was confident enough to roll with it. The difficulty of the situation was that she and the rest of the girls were surrounded by three relatively older guys each for most of the evening, and every time I saw it, I don't think any of them were laughing or smiling at all. I had a little tinge of pity for them, but they could have come talk to us if they wanted interesting conversation.

Eventually, the girl came back with t-shirts, which she gave to J and another of my guy friends. I said, "If you find one in my size...," while pointing to myself. With a little disappointment, she said, "We only have XL." I got a overly dramatic, annoyed look on my face and said, "...Well, I'll take your shirt then." She said ok and pretended to lift it over her head. At this point, she more or less walked away, but there was the general feeling that the conversation had ended. While somewhat funny, by saying that, I think I lumped myself into the group of every other guy who want to get her clothes off. It would have been far better to somehow steer the conversation so that I could joke about her coming on to me.

Although, as we were walking out to enjoy the rest of our evening passed her and the three guys vying for her attention, I definitely noticed a "damn it, he's leaving" vibe. I probably could have just stopped, pulled out my pen and pad, and handed it to her right in front of those guys. That definitely would showed some balls... but she should have stayed and talked a little longer.

Arousal and Fear

Some friend and I were hanging out at the Z Lounge, South Side, not too long ago. My friend is a DJ who used to spin House music there. Few people typically dance there, but we didn't care. While making our own good time, I noticed a girl watching us(me) out of the corner of my eye. I immediately motioned "come here" with my hand before slowly turning my head to look at her. Her face dropped.... she came over and started dancing. We talked a little, and somehow got on the topic of dancing. I said something like, "I like taking the opposite hand when I spin a girl because..." and I took her hand to slowly spin her around one saying, "it leads to easy to...," as she spun another half turn as I put my hand on her side and pressed myself into her back.

I noticed her head drop a little, her eyes close, and all her attention focus inward, all signs that her emotions were swelling up inside her, but, in this moment I discovered something about myself. This reaction is strikingly similar to someone getting angry, which invokes a certain amount of fear in me. It comes from upbringing, the parents yelling at me thing. Anyway, here I was with this girl... actually a little afraid that she was now angry at me. I was conscious of my reaction, and I immediate had to stop and write down my revelation. I think that's where I lost her. She was fun, but her and her friend eventually left for Halo.

What do I want

The demands on my time this year have stretched me to my limits, so much so that I was looking forward to a nice leisurely summer. But, as it turns out, that's not going to happen. I've had to ask myself if these commitments are worth my time, if they're going to help me get where I want to be, which then naturally begs the question of "where do I want to be?"

I think few people in the world really take the time to consider what they want and actually determine to get it. The major decisions--college, major, job, city, house--are faced by everyone, but few distinguish one option from another, assign preference and value, and seek to build a complete and fulfilled life.

My Lifestyle

Upon a modest review so far, the life I want to live starts and ends with relationships. Currently, the most time-consuming and demanding is my relationship with my career: the monster that is Grad School. That's the thing about work; it takes up all the time you're willing to devote to it. So clearly, I must start making choices that allow more time for other facets of my life. I want a relationship with my career that essentially sustains the rest of my life without consuming it. I'm not a 9-5 code monkey.

Next, the relationship with my friends. I want around me, at all times, strong, confident, interesting people, who repeatedly add value to my life in whatever context. Everyone is instantly, unabashedly my friend if they can add value to my life. And I am a center, a hub, a source in my social network. The strong, lasting connections with a few good friends last a lifetime, coloring and enriching my life.

In dating, I want to explore as many opportunities as possible with the few short years I've been given in which to do it. The mid-twenties come and go so quickly, and with them wane the youthful passion with which we can explore and meet new people. With this opportunity of a life, I want to meet and create healthy, vibrant, sexual, lasting relationships with incredible women. And, amidst these options, the one truly exception woman will emerge, naturally fading the others into the background; so that I may know beyond any all doubts that I found her. I cannot be like so many guys who stick with the first girl to come along, fearing that if they don't go all out for this one, nothing will come in the future. So, until I'm certain, I have no moral objection to explore as many relationships as possible with the little time in which I have to explore them so long as I am honest, respectful, and true.

Beggars In Pittsburgh

As I was sitting in Caribou Coffee today, a young kid walking through the door made eye contact with me. He was obviously one of the many beggars that accost me throughout the day in my travels around Pittsburgh. These kids, though, operate a particular con whereby they ask for donations for their little league team, referencing a crumpled flyer in their hands to legitimize their proposition. Before this particular kid could pitch me his scam, though, the barista (can I call them baristas at Caribou?) noticed and immediately asked him to leave.

This got me thinking about all the beggars who approach me since I've moved to Pittsburgh and how I respond to them. The most common are those curled up in the shade on the side of Forbes avenue who ask if I have any spare change, but there are two that really stick out in my mind.

The first is the guy I see from time to time outside Giant Eagle who asks "Can you help a guy get a meal?" He asks as if he just channeled all his desperation, pain, and anxiety into those few words, as if life has sucked every ounce of energy from him and this simple phrase is the mustering of the last little hope he has. With such anguish, I can't help but feel bad for him. So I give him a dollar or two from time to time, but I can't afford to subsidize his lifestyle. I notice though, that I feel worse when I give in to his request. He seemingly leverages my pity, manipulating me to give him a dollar... and I feel used.

The second is one of these kids who approached me in Panera with a flyer for his "sports team." He actually sat down at my table telling me how most people tell him how five dollars is a lot of money but that he'll take five and below. He seemed happy, though; energetic and almost enthusiastic. I happily gave him five since I didn't have anything less, and yet this was a blatent lie and manipulation.

The guy was honest and seemingly so desperate that he probably needed the money more... maybe, but I felt less manipulated and used by the lying ten year old. The difference was their attitude. Why am I more willing to give money to someone who seems not to need it?

What dawned on me is that women are approached like this all the time by guys who are essentially trying to get sex or a relationship from her and that they react in pretty much the same way. Guys who act as if they don't need the sex or relationship from this particular woman are the ones who usually get it whereas the nervous, insecure guys who place so much emotional importance on this one woman are flat out rejected... or become her friends.

Friday at The Matrix

My first night at The Matrix was not too long ago despite being in Pittsburgh for almost 9 months now. My friend, let's just call him Bob, was having his birthday party. Standing at the bar getting our first few rounds of drinks and waiting for others to show up, I noticed fairly attractive girl talking to a couple of guys. I recognized her from somewhere. When the guys left, I went over and here's the basic conversation:

Me:	Hi! Do I know you from somewhere? You look familiar.
Her:	Huh. No. I don't think so. You don't look familiar.
Me:	(Looking around the room behind her) hmm. What's your name?
Her:	X.
Me:	(My eyes snap back to hers) (pause) ...Facebook?
Her:	I am on facebook.
Me:	Yeah. That's it. I friended you on facebook.
Her:	(laughing)So what's your name?
Me:	PJ
Her:	k. So wait, are you that guy who sent me those messages?
Me:	You mean all two of them? Yeah.
Her:	So you don't think I'm a fun girl?
Me:	You gonna prove me wrong?
Her:	(laughing) Maybe I should stop talking to you then.
Me:	(turning away slowly) Alright.
Her:	I'm kidding.
Me:	(turning back with a sly smile)
Her:	(slying) I'm a fun a girl
Me:	(pausing... looking away)Yeah, well. I'm unconvinced.
Her:	(staring at me almost shocked)

I doubt that was a bad thing to say, but I could've done better with something like, "sure, sure, that's what they all say when they're trying to get in my pants."

Me:	(Tapping my friend on the shoulder) This is my friend, Bob. It's his birthday today.
Her:	Hi!
Bob:	Hey.
Me:	I think Bob needs a birthday kiss.
Her:	(smiling)Ok. come here.
Me:	((Bob turned back around) whispering in her ear) I'm trying to hook him up tonight. That's my goal.
Her:	uh huh.
Me:	(still whispering) You've got to help me out with that, ok?
Her:	(smiling) Ok.
Me:	(after a pause) You know, I've got like 300 friends on facebook.
Her:	I've got like 200 or something
Me:	Yeah? Well for me to recognize you... that says something.
Her:	Well, I'm flattered.
Me:	(seemingly sarcastic)Yeah, well you should be!
Her:	Ok, well we're going to the bathroom. See ya.
Me:	Later.

In retrospect, it was the "out of everyone I know, you stand out" thing that really turned her off from me... and fast. It implied that, while I don't know her at all, I already considered her something special or that I was trying to convince her that I was someone she should get to know, neither of which I really intended. It was interesting, though, to watch the good feelings just drain out of her face... like instantly. So, clearly, I screwed up a bit. However, contrary to what I implied, I still doubt she's all that interesting.

We spent the rest of the night in the 80's room, in which I decided I was going to prevent that typical self-conscious feeling from taking over me. As I started just having a good time screaming along with my friends to Bon Jovi, dancing, jumping, laughing, and taking stupid pictures, my friends and the people we were with let go too, which made for a killer atmosphere. And that's when everyone else around us started noticing. Groups of girls danced next to us, some jumping in with us; others walked by... a couple times; and the sad ones sitting alone at the bar watched (although, they didn't join us even when waving them in).

The attractive thing seemed to be the really good energy we put off combined with the vibe that I just didn't care what anyone else thought; I was going to have my good time and the hell with everyone else. Good emotions are infectious, and like gravity they pull everyone around. We're all looking for something fun and exciting, but are we afraid to fun and exciting ourselves?

Me? ... no more.

Pittsburgh At Night

When I wrote the following pages, or rather the bulk of them, I lived alone, in the woods, a mile from any neighbor, in a house which I had built myself, on the shore of Walden Pond...

Hahaha... no. For those of you who don't know, I'm quoting the opening sentence from Walden by Henry David Thoreau. What really follows will be my reflection on a 20-something single life in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania,... and I'm anything but living alone in a city of half a million people. Not unlike Thoreau, though, my goal is to discover what it takes to have a successful single life, to have, more importantly, a successful life in general, to transcend the mundane into something spectacular. What does it mean to live?

Strange, I know, to equate successful dating with a successful life. But is it really that shortsighted? Consider evolution, the process of adaption and natural selection, where members of the species who display the best traits (the best adaptations), the ones most likely to ensure our survival, are selected by members of the opposite gender for procreation. Women, then, desire a man who demonstrates that he can best ensure his and his families survival, i.e. a successful man, one who accomplishes his goals. Therefore, everything in life--every choice, every thought, every emotion, every endeavor--builds, contributes to, a successful life that ultimately makes me more attractive to women.