As I was sitting in Caribou Coffee today, a young kid walking through the door made eye contact with me. He was obviously one of the many beggars that accost me throughout the day in my travels around Pittsburgh. These kids, though, operate a particular con whereby they ask for donations for their little league team, referencing a crumpled flyer in their hands to legitimize their proposition. Before this particular kid could pitch me his scam, though, the barista (can I call them baristas at Caribou?) noticed and immediately asked him to leave.
This got me thinking about all the beggars who approach me since I've moved to Pittsburgh and how I respond to them. The most common are those curled up in the shade on the side of Forbes avenue who ask if I have any spare change, but there are two that really stick out in my mind.
The first is the guy I see from time to time outside Giant Eagle who asks "Can you help a guy get a meal?" He asks as if he just channeled all his desperation, pain, and anxiety into those few words, as if life has sucked every ounce of energy from him and this simple phrase is the mustering of the last little hope he has. With such anguish, I can't help but feel bad for him. So I give him a dollar or two from time to time, but I can't afford to subsidize his lifestyle. I notice though, that I feel worse when I give in to his request. He seemingly leverages my pity, manipulating me to give him a dollar... and I feel used.
The second is one of these kids who approached me in Panera with a flyer for his "sports team." He actually sat down at my table telling me how most people tell him how five dollars is a lot of money but that he'll take five and below. He seemed happy, though; energetic and almost enthusiastic. I happily gave him five since I didn't have anything less, and yet this was a blatent lie and manipulation.
The guy was honest and seemingly so desperate that he probably needed the money more... maybe, but I felt less manipulated and used by the lying ten year old. The difference was their attitude. Why am I more willing to give money to someone who seems not to need it?
What dawned on me is that women are approached like this all the time by guys who are essentially trying to get sex or a relationship from her and that they react in pretty much the same way. Guys who act as if they don't need the sex or relationship from this particular woman are the ones who usually get it whereas the nervous, insecure guys who place so much emotional importance on this one woman are flat out rejected... or become her friends.
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